Wednesday, February 10, 2010

No, It's Not Hot In Here!

If you read my Day Journal you know that I truly believe there is war raging inside my body; I am under siege by my own hormones. It's called “Menopause”, and is sited to be a "normal and natural" event in a women’s life. Are you kidding me? The words Menopause...Normal...and Natural cannot even be used in the same sentence. There is nothing normal about a woman my age desiring to frolic in the snow when the temperature has dropped below zero wearing nothing but a thong and a pair of boots!

And to think I thought my life had been turned up side down at the age of 13 when I reached puberty, and my periods started. From my first cycle all I dreamed about was that one day this dreaded event would end in my life; but no one prepared me for the battle that would ensue for it to finally make it's grand exist. It's as if I am undergoing some type of exorcism; and so far I have experienced everything except for my heading spinning around, which my family believes will occur before this is all over.

There is also no doubt in my mind that Global Warming is real, but it’s not from the increasing amounts of greenhouse gases that are being released in our atmosphere, but from the increasing amount of women that are going through Menopause! From the Baby Boomer generation it is estimated that one turns 50 every seven seconds. In fact most every female Baby Boomer born will begin to experience menopause by the year 2012, if they haven’t already. So you see why I honestly believe that Global Warning is yet another horrible symptom of Menopause, and if you could experience just one of my hot flashes or heaven for bid live through my night sweats you would know immediately that I am not nuts or just menopausal.

“No it’s not hot in here” has become mine and my husband’s number one conversation; it has even replaced “I love you” as we lay down to go to sleep. The only upside I have found so far is that our heating bill has come down drastically; however what money we do save will be put aside, because I can see the future and our cooling bill is going to be on the rise.

After a major melt down in the middle of the grocery store the other day, I explained to my sons ages 23 and 25 exactly what “menopause” was; “it is a time in every mans life when he should pause before he speaks or acts”. That is why it is appropriately named “Men ~ Pause”. I also think that in God’s infinite wisdom he scheduled it to occur after your children have moved out and started lives of their own; but if for some reason beyond your control you still have them at home as I do, you turn the tables and prepare them for the day when their own wives will go through it, and if they survive their mothers mood swings and tantrums maybe they will emerge husbands better equipped to handle it then their father. My poor husband doesn’t just pause before he speaks I think there are days he pauses before he breaths in my direction. But I just keep telling myself that “this too shall pass, it didn’t come to stay” and that I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me. So if you read this article today and would like to help me, please pray for my family they need it because they could sure use the support. Also if you think you may be experiencing Menopause but just aren’t quite sure I have listed a few of my symptoms below for you to test yourself by.

~Everyone around you seems to have an attitude problem.

~People suddenly seem very afraid of you.

~ Your husband is suddenly agreeing with everything you say.

~You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.

~There is a conspiracy on the part of your family to drive you insane.

~Even though you dance with the devil everyday (Tread Mill or Exercise)
   you have no doubt that the dryer is shrinking everything you own.

~The ibuprofen you bought yesterday is already gone.

~The air filer to the heating system never needs changing.

~You’re trying to shop for shorts and tank tops in January.

~The only question you care about any more is "Is it Hot in Here"?

~And the only asnwer you ever get is "NO IT"S NOT HOT IN HERE"!


  1. This is a brilliant post! No, I'm not there yet, but have been warned to expect it early! I will pray for you and your family.
    "It isn't here to stay, it has only come to pass" has become something I say to myself a lot lately, but for other reasons.
    Wishing you much strength, and cool air,

  2. Belle, I know the words aren't much help but like you said it to shall pass. I have not endured this yet (I am 48) but have worked with some who has so not looking forward to it. The men will be better men after this.

    Love your post!

  3. Haven't endured it yet but I may have to in the near futur.... it looks awful!

    But you are so funny!
    I love the saying "It isn't here to stay, it has only come to pass".

    Thanks Belles

  4. Oh, Belles,

    I do not mean to laugh at your expense, but your post was so funny.

    Hang in there.